January 23, 2008

troubled feelings

~~attention readers: ignore this entry because it's about my feelings~~

bored or not?
sad or happy?
my fault or his?
love or not?
me or him?
i or us?

today, i feel kinda mixed up. i woke up late and had to rush so that i'll make it on time to the office. i fall under the star sign of gemini. geminis are known for their some what mixed personality. one moment they can be cheerful and the next thing u know is the opposite. so that's why i feel this mixed feeling about my relationship.

for the past few days, the relationship is nothing but dry. i hate to admit this but i hate long distance relationship. i have no clue on how to go about with this. sometimes i feel like givin up but then i don't want to end it as easy as this. i'm tryin hard to not feel this way..usually when hearin him on the phone could make me go upside down crazy but lately nothing. no excitement, no miss him, a big NOTHING. i mean i usually like people calling me but with him..i feel..hmm..hate to admit this again...BORED.

this is my fault. i drag myself into feeling all these. my blog is my way of letting it all out and hopefully i can feel better and not feel any mixed feeling bout it. i feel guilty and mad at myself. why should i ever feel like this when all he does is being nothing but nice to me. i'm bad. hate myself for feeling this. and i know something will happen to this but i'm not sure if it's good or bad.

2 comments:

~ blossom ~ said...

mai, relationship can never be easy. aku ley ibaratkan cam cawan, we are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. but the trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out. aku pon still learning and brush up mane2 yg ptt. dont feel so down yer mai, i've been to dat stage gak but the difference is, urs is so far away but mine, juz here but we rarely see each other tho. dah3, put dat smile on k :), muuahhks!

SaRaH said...

thanks a lot for the advice. i'm learning and i'm tryin hard. maybe i just need that time to myself so that it'll be better.