March 23, 2009

ready or not?

last monday, baby came down to kl. eventhou just for a short while, it's ok. at least i got to see him in person and listened to him as he babbles on and on. yup, it was the day when he's doin all the talking and i'm doin all the listening. he was here for his assessment. i wonder when the result will be out..i think he mentioned it to me but it didn't really registered in my head. not a good listener..tsk..tsk..tsk.

we had lunch. he wanted to try sakae sushi. so we had that for lunch. makan makan makan. actually time tuh dah lapa sangat. ye la. slalu lunch kul 12 or 1 tetapi aritu lunch kul 2. perut berbunyi-bunyi la. tengah makan, he was saying something that almost made to choke. but i managed to calmly swallowed my food, feeling the big piece of sushi travelling down my throat n got stuck somewhere in the middle and have to be washed down with some green tea. he was talking about it. ok. i don't know why, when we don't talked about it, i feel i'm ok with it, let's just go ahead with it and so on and so forth like i'm totally ready. but...when we talked about it, i feel like shouting "saya tak mo..aaaaaaaa!!". i'm totally scared and i feel like running away. geezz..macam budak2. huhuhu. i don't la. alahai kesian kat die. my fault. i shouldn't have done or say those things. so immature of me. and another thing, this time, when he was talking about it, he's so serious................that makes me feel more nervous and scared. i just nod my head up and down and blink millions of time.

can i just pretend to ignore and when it happens, just let it happens?i wonder if other people is having the same problem with me or it's just me? aaarrghhh..this is making pimples pop up on my face...huhuhu...

conclusion: i'm afraid. i don't know what i'm afraid of.

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